I fell, and I fell hard. And now I can think of nothing else. I don't any other fall. I want the one thing I can't have. It's a little like death in some ways. The only difference is this fall is walking around living a breathing. As with death there is always a grieving period. Becoming hollow and feeling nothing. Numb to the core. And just wanting to go to bed. Hoping the universe will bring me a dream of how to get "out." It doesn't feel like the usual heartbreak. Maybe because there was such a connection that I can't imagine why one, wouldn't want that breath of life. This reminded me so much of a life I once lived. I felt whole and renewed. But the fall went away. No text.. No email.. just silence.
The warrior in me has tried to move past it. As if that was really going to help. I have finally decided that until I put ice on my bruised and battered heart I am not going to get very far. So I have moved my dancing shoes to the back of the closet for now. because right now, I don't feel like dancing. I gave it a good shot. But the universe knows me better. It's why all the other dances eventually find another partner or find a reason they can't stay. These dancers just aren't right. The music isn't right. The dance is all wrong. My heart isn't in it. It's not the dance that I want. My feet are sore, the music is too loud, my rhythm is off.
The problem , how do I fix it. I don't. I can't make said dancer remember the steps. If the dancer doesn't want to remember. But I remember them. So for now I dance alone. Remembering the beautiful dance we shared. delighting in the sound of the music and the way it felt to be gliding across the floor. With ease and raw talent. Each step deliberate and precise. The glow of the room, the excitement in the air. The feeling of being safe and carefree. knowing the connection shared I wouldn't stumble, I was graceful. However something went wrong, the music faltered, the dancer lost their step and I fell and hit the ballroom floor, hard.
There was no hand to help me up. I sat on the floor feeling foolish and silly for trusting a new dancer so quickly. I forgot the basic choreography. I went right into complicated and tricky with both feet at the same time. Instead of, first the right foot and then the left. I remember that it was so perfect. That I didn't think one needed the basics. I pick myself up off the dance floor. I grab my shoes that were so carelessly tossed aside. I look over my shoulder just to make sure that I am really alone. Hoping that it was just a mistake and the music would start again, and I will once again be floating across the floor, in the strong embrace. However, much to my dismay all the dancers have gone and I am left alone with just the disco ball and the pattern on the floor.
"It's better this way", I say to the empty room. I know that even though I am alone with my sore feet, and broken shoes. I remember the dance, and the choreography, and, how beautiful it once was. I hope the dancer will one day soon, remember the steps and come join me for another dance, and stay for more. If not I will always remember.
"Don't you Remember" by Adele
When Will I see you again?
You left with no goodbye, not a single word
was said
No final kiss to seal anything
I had no idea of the state we were in
I know I have a fickle heart and a bitterness
and a wondering eye and a heaviness in my head
*But don't you remember? Don't you remember?
The reason you loved me before
Baby, please remember me once more
When was the last time you thought of me?
Or have you completely erased me from your
memory?
I often think about where I would roam
More I do, the less I know
But I know I have a fickle heart and a bitterness
and a wandering eye and a heaviness in my head
* But don't you remember? Don't you remember?
The reason you loved me before
Baby, Please remember me once more
I gave you the space so you could breathe
I kept my distance so you would be free
and I hope that you find the missing piece
to bring you back to me
* Why don't you remember? don't you remember?
The reason you loved me before
baby, please remember me once more
When will I see you again....
The warrior in me has tried to move past it. As if that was really going to help. I have finally decided that until I put ice on my bruised and battered heart I am not going to get very far. So I have moved my dancing shoes to the back of the closet for now. because right now, I don't feel like dancing. I gave it a good shot. But the universe knows me better. It's why all the other dances eventually find another partner or find a reason they can't stay. These dancers just aren't right. The music isn't right. The dance is all wrong. My heart isn't in it. It's not the dance that I want. My feet are sore, the music is too loud, my rhythm is off.
The problem , how do I fix it. I don't. I can't make said dancer remember the steps. If the dancer doesn't want to remember. But I remember them. So for now I dance alone. Remembering the beautiful dance we shared. delighting in the sound of the music and the way it felt to be gliding across the floor. With ease and raw talent. Each step deliberate and precise. The glow of the room, the excitement in the air. The feeling of being safe and carefree. knowing the connection shared I wouldn't stumble, I was graceful. However something went wrong, the music faltered, the dancer lost their step and I fell and hit the ballroom floor, hard.
There was no hand to help me up. I sat on the floor feeling foolish and silly for trusting a new dancer so quickly. I forgot the basic choreography. I went right into complicated and tricky with both feet at the same time. Instead of, first the right foot and then the left. I remember that it was so perfect. That I didn't think one needed the basics. I pick myself up off the dance floor. I grab my shoes that were so carelessly tossed aside. I look over my shoulder just to make sure that I am really alone. Hoping that it was just a mistake and the music would start again, and I will once again be floating across the floor, in the strong embrace. However, much to my dismay all the dancers have gone and I am left alone with just the disco ball and the pattern on the floor.
"It's better this way", I say to the empty room. I know that even though I am alone with my sore feet, and broken shoes. I remember the dance, and the choreography, and, how beautiful it once was. I hope the dancer will one day soon, remember the steps and come join me for another dance, and stay for more. If not I will always remember.
"Don't you Remember" by Adele
When Will I see you again?
You left with no goodbye, not a single word
was said
No final kiss to seal anything
I had no idea of the state we were in
I know I have a fickle heart and a bitterness
and a wondering eye and a heaviness in my head
*But don't you remember? Don't you remember?
The reason you loved me before
Baby, please remember me once more
When was the last time you thought of me?
Or have you completely erased me from your
memory?
I often think about where I would roam
More I do, the less I know
But I know I have a fickle heart and a bitterness
and a wandering eye and a heaviness in my head
* But don't you remember? Don't you remember?
The reason you loved me before
Baby, Please remember me once more
I gave you the space so you could breathe
I kept my distance so you would be free
and I hope that you find the missing piece
to bring you back to me
* Why don't you remember? don't you remember?
The reason you loved me before
baby, please remember me once more
When will I see you again....
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