Sometimes I feel that I have lost my song. Lost who I am. Or Lost my way. As if I was on a path that was so beautiful and then a storm came and ripped my path to shreds and now I am left to pick my way through. It seems that I have only gone a few paces when my sweater gets snagged on a thorn.. Now have hole in my sweater and I have to go back and untangle it from the thorn bush that its trapped in. Kind of like my heart. I walk forward only to have it tell me to stop and wait for it to catch up.
For me I keep thinking that if I keep going and pushing on maybe I can push my way through the pain. Push out the heartache as if to numb it in some way. Telling myself that all these "new adventures" are fun. But maybe they are just a way to pass the time. As if to fill some void, that I may never get back again. It's trying to tell myself not to give away a piece of my heart to every new adventure that has a nice smile and a warm embrace. My thinking that maybe this one, will ease my pain. Maybe this one will stay long enough to see something beautiful.
Yet, it's not just the beauty that I wish they would see. It's everything else. Still I don't want them to see too much. I want my cake handmade just for me. The cake that was prepared with such love and grace and has been waiting for me to sit down and enjoy a piece. It's trying to stay intact in a hail storm with no raincoat. Nothing to cover my head to keep me from being bruised from the hard stones falling from the sky. One would think that with each storm I would remember an umbrella at least, but I never do. I always remain bare and transparent. I am always the one who packs everything in the diaper bag because you just never know what one might need when going out. However I forget to pack anything for me.
I don't feel much like singing. And when I do sing it feels half hearted. That the passion that once was, is fading. There are certain songs that can bring it out. So I know my song is still alive and steady. It's just a little hidden away right now. But when I do bring it out to play, sometimes it's feels fearful, and uncertain. Not wanting to give too much, not wanting to feel too much. Fearful of being slammed off the treble clef. Instead of just letting it soar. Allowing it to vibrate freely and intimately through my whole being. The way it was meant to. The way it was gifted to.
I stand in the middle of my path and I look around. Trees have blocked the path that once was. Limbs and leaves scattered throughout. Branches ripped off and tossed carelessly here and there. The devastation the storm left behind. What was once a beautiful, glorious, and wide open path with lovely flowers scattered delicatly throughout. Is now twisted, torn, broken, and beaten. Not knowing where to step for fear of stepping in a hole and not finding my way back. But if I look far enough ahead, I can see part of that beautiful path that once was, peeking through the trees. And I can see on the other side there is beauty once more. I know that not everything on that path ahead is steady. There are some holes scattered throughout. But overall it is beautiful and serene. How the sun dances on the leaves and the fairies dance and play to the music the flowers make. The laughter that fills that beautiful path rings in my ears and I long to be there this minute. But I look at the ground that my feet are on right now and I see I have to figure out this path first. In order to get to that path up ahead...
I look down at my torn sweater. It's starting to unravel a bit. That seems to happen with sweaters. But it's my favorite one. It fits perfect. I can dress it up or dress it down and it always has a warm hug waiting for me when I put it on. I know that the person who made it for me, loved me very much. To have made such a perfect sweater. It's a part of me. I take it with me where ever I go. I look up at the sky and see that it is cloudy but the sun is shining behind those gray clouds. I pick up the branch that is blocking my path and I toss it to the side. Slowly and carefully I clear a new path. I look at my hands they are scratched and bloody in spots but they will heal. I play with the hole in my sweater and feel the rain drops falling on my head. But this time when I reach into the pocket of my beautiful hand made sweater, I feel the umbrella. It was there the whole time I just didn't reach far enough. I forgot to trust myself. I forgot to have Faith.
As I open my umbrella just as the rain starts to fall harder, I feel my song start to hum a new song. I still don't have a rain coat. But I realize that with it, I couldn't feel the rain's beauty dancing on my skin.
"Set Fire to the Rain" ~ Adele
I let it fall, my heart and as it fell, you rose to claim it.
It was dark and I was over.
Until you kissed my lips and you saved me
My hands, They're strong but my knees were far too weak
To stand in your arms without falling to your feet
But there's a side to you that I never knew, never knew
All the things you'd say they were never true, never true
And the games you play, you would always win, always win
**But I set fire to the rain
Watched to pour as I touched your face
Let it burn while I cry
Cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name
When laying with you I could stay there, close my eyes
Feel you here, forever
You and Me together, nothing is better
Cause there's a side to you that I never knew, never knew
All the things you'd say they were never true, never true
And the games you'd play you would always win, always win
**But I set fire to the rain
Watched to pour as I touched your face
Let it burn while I cry
Cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name
I set fire to the rain and I threw us into the flames
Where I felt somethin' die, 'cause I knew that was the last time
the last time
Sometimes I wake up by the door now that you've gone,
must be waiting for you
Even now when it's already over I can't help myself from
looking for you
** I set Fire to the rain
Watched it pour as I touched your face
Let it burn while I cried
Cause I heard it screaming out your name
your name..
I set fire to the rain, watched it pour as I touched your face
Let it burn while I cried
Cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name
Oh, no
Let it burn, oh
Let it burn
For me I keep thinking that if I keep going and pushing on maybe I can push my way through the pain. Push out the heartache as if to numb it in some way. Telling myself that all these "new adventures" are fun. But maybe they are just a way to pass the time. As if to fill some void, that I may never get back again. It's trying to tell myself not to give away a piece of my heart to every new adventure that has a nice smile and a warm embrace. My thinking that maybe this one, will ease my pain. Maybe this one will stay long enough to see something beautiful.
Yet, it's not just the beauty that I wish they would see. It's everything else. Still I don't want them to see too much. I want my cake handmade just for me. The cake that was prepared with such love and grace and has been waiting for me to sit down and enjoy a piece. It's trying to stay intact in a hail storm with no raincoat. Nothing to cover my head to keep me from being bruised from the hard stones falling from the sky. One would think that with each storm I would remember an umbrella at least, but I never do. I always remain bare and transparent. I am always the one who packs everything in the diaper bag because you just never know what one might need when going out. However I forget to pack anything for me.
I don't feel much like singing. And when I do sing it feels half hearted. That the passion that once was, is fading. There are certain songs that can bring it out. So I know my song is still alive and steady. It's just a little hidden away right now. But when I do bring it out to play, sometimes it's feels fearful, and uncertain. Not wanting to give too much, not wanting to feel too much. Fearful of being slammed off the treble clef. Instead of just letting it soar. Allowing it to vibrate freely and intimately through my whole being. The way it was meant to. The way it was gifted to.
I stand in the middle of my path and I look around. Trees have blocked the path that once was. Limbs and leaves scattered throughout. Branches ripped off and tossed carelessly here and there. The devastation the storm left behind. What was once a beautiful, glorious, and wide open path with lovely flowers scattered delicatly throughout. Is now twisted, torn, broken, and beaten. Not knowing where to step for fear of stepping in a hole and not finding my way back. But if I look far enough ahead, I can see part of that beautiful path that once was, peeking through the trees. And I can see on the other side there is beauty once more. I know that not everything on that path ahead is steady. There are some holes scattered throughout. But overall it is beautiful and serene. How the sun dances on the leaves and the fairies dance and play to the music the flowers make. The laughter that fills that beautiful path rings in my ears and I long to be there this minute. But I look at the ground that my feet are on right now and I see I have to figure out this path first. In order to get to that path up ahead...
I look down at my torn sweater. It's starting to unravel a bit. That seems to happen with sweaters. But it's my favorite one. It fits perfect. I can dress it up or dress it down and it always has a warm hug waiting for me when I put it on. I know that the person who made it for me, loved me very much. To have made such a perfect sweater. It's a part of me. I take it with me where ever I go. I look up at the sky and see that it is cloudy but the sun is shining behind those gray clouds. I pick up the branch that is blocking my path and I toss it to the side. Slowly and carefully I clear a new path. I look at my hands they are scratched and bloody in spots but they will heal. I play with the hole in my sweater and feel the rain drops falling on my head. But this time when I reach into the pocket of my beautiful hand made sweater, I feel the umbrella. It was there the whole time I just didn't reach far enough. I forgot to trust myself. I forgot to have Faith.
As I open my umbrella just as the rain starts to fall harder, I feel my song start to hum a new song. I still don't have a rain coat. But I realize that with it, I couldn't feel the rain's beauty dancing on my skin.
"Set Fire to the Rain" ~ Adele
I let it fall, my heart and as it fell, you rose to claim it.
It was dark and I was over.
Until you kissed my lips and you saved me
My hands, They're strong but my knees were far too weak
To stand in your arms without falling to your feet
But there's a side to you that I never knew, never knew
All the things you'd say they were never true, never true
And the games you play, you would always win, always win
**But I set fire to the rain
Watched to pour as I touched your face
Let it burn while I cry
Cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name
When laying with you I could stay there, close my eyes
Feel you here, forever
You and Me together, nothing is better
Cause there's a side to you that I never knew, never knew
All the things you'd say they were never true, never true
And the games you'd play you would always win, always win
**But I set fire to the rain
Watched to pour as I touched your face
Let it burn while I cry
Cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name
I set fire to the rain and I threw us into the flames
Where I felt somethin' die, 'cause I knew that was the last time
the last time
Sometimes I wake up by the door now that you've gone,
must be waiting for you
Even now when it's already over I can't help myself from
looking for you
** I set Fire to the rain
Watched it pour as I touched your face
Let it burn while I cried
Cause I heard it screaming out your name
your name..
I set fire to the rain, watched it pour as I touched your face
Let it burn while I cried
Cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name
Oh, no
Let it burn, oh
Let it burn
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